Reflection

Well, it's the last day of 2013. This year started with an injury. It continued with a lot of personal and professional changes. And the last few weeks I was pretty sick, unable to do much of anything and pretty unfocused on my weight loss efforts and activity.

I like to take the last few days of each year and look back at what happened during the previous roughly 360+ days. I look back at all of the things I did and didn't accomplish over the last year. No, it is not an exercise is "Let's look at all of the ways I've failed." Instead, I like to look at where I can improve in the coming year.

Being a continuous work in progress allows me to always learn something new about myself and become more than I have been before.

First, the scale really didn't move at all. For someone who doesn't know me, he or she might think I am disappointed by this. While it is true that all Weight Watchers want the scale to move in a downward direction, and to deny this would be dishonest of me, I am not really disappointed this outcome.

My activity level took a huge hit at the beginning of the year and I had to make major changes in my activity routine as a result. I had to go to the gym, which I previously hated, but I found I liked it. I walked in the morning through Central Park. I tried the stationary bike (and realized I liked it a lot), the elliptical (I still don't like it but I didn't die after 2 minutes on it), and tried a few classes (and discovered I REALLY liked those).

I also experienced a lot of personal changes this year: moving (and living with a boy!!) and changing jobs are both pretty life changing and they shook up my routines and my life significantly and I'm still adjusting to both.

The science between weight loss is simple: burn more calories than you consume and you'll lose weight. However, anyone who has ever tried to lose weight and get healthy knows that whatever is going on in your noggin determines how successful you are.

Although I didn't really lose any weight this year, I did have some successes this year. Besides all of the uncharted waters I tread through this year (activity pun intended), the scale basically stayed the same this year. Yes, it means I didn't lose much weight, but more importantly I didn't gain what I had already lost. If you or anyone you know has lost weight and then regained most of if not all of it back (yes, I have been there), then you know how significant this is. If you haven't personally had that experience, then just trust me on this one.

I'm also proud that throughout the entire year, no matter how frustrated I got, I never thought about quitting Weight Watchers. In the past I would have (and did). But I know that as bad as it might have gotten and as frustrated as I was, I am still better off going to meetings and following as much as the plan as I mentally could handle at the time than not.

I just came back from my last WW meeting of 2013. I don't regret the decisions I've made this year (well, maybe a few, but not from a health perspective), but I am looking forward to what 2014 will bring. Here's to another 365 days of challenges and successes.

I know, It's been a while.

Yes, it's been a while. No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth. Actually, a lot has been going on in my life since I last wrote.

I still can't run or do any high impact aerobic stuff where I'm jumping up and down or anything. But instead of focusing on what I can't do (and feeling sorry for myself in the process), I am focusing on what I can do. I started going back to the gym a few months ago. I started on the bike (not the recombent bike because it's not good for my foot) and would use the bike for 30 minutes. I would do a variety of tensions, so that I would really sweat and get my heart rate up pretty high. It wasn't the high impact of running, but I did get a really good aerobic workout. Then I would do a combination of exercises that would strengthen my back shoulders, arms, and core. Then I started on the (h)elliptical. I still don't love it, but it offers variety at the gym so I don't get bored with the bike or the treadmill.

I also realized that I could take some of the classes. While I can't jump up and down, the point is to just be moving, so I would modify the moves to suit me. For example, if the instructor said to do jumping jacks, I would move my arms up and down and just walk in place.

Lately it has just been too nice to be be inside in the gym (this is my favorite time of year to be outside), so I've been walking before I go to work in the morning. I walk between 30-45 minutes before heading to the office and it just puts me in such a good mood (and it makes my skin glow too). I know I will soon get back to the gym, but it's nice to change things up occasionally so you don't get bored.

I've also had a few life-changing events in the last several months. I moved (in with a boy!!) and moving is just so stressful. I earned A LOT of activity points those few weeks when I was packing, moving and unpacking. My new neighborhood is also more conducive for walking, so I am naturally more active throughout the day (going up and down the subway stairs).

I also started a new job a few months ago, which brings with it another set of stressful situations. For example, the office has free bagels for the office every Friday. EVERY FRIDAY. This may seem like a great treat, but I live in New York where you can get a good bagel on almost every block. Unless a free bagel is really good (which the ones in the office are not), why should I waste points eating something I don't even enjoy. I happen to have a place in my new neighborhood that had absolutely amazing bagels, so if I'm going to use a bunch of points on a bagel, it's not going to be one of the ones in the office.

One thing that hasn't changed? I keep going to my meetings every week. I still bring my lunch to work almost every day. And I am still doing lots of activity. My head may not have been 100% focused on Weight Watchers, but I've made many positive and healthy changes in my life. Enough so that I really have maintained about a 35-pound weight loss during these last several months. That alone is something to be proud of, because it would be so easy for me to regain all of what I've lost and then some.

Mel says, "You already have all of the tools you need to do this [get to goal, become a lifetime member, etc.]." I know I do; I'm just not using them right now. It's like I misplaced them somewhere in the last several months. However, I think I'm slowly finding them and rediscovering them. I've starting writing my goals and NSVs in my journal again. I started tracking again. And I started blogging again.

Yep, I'm still here.

Complacency and Motivation

Last night the topics of plateaus and complacency were brought up during my WW meeting. Like a new project or any new venture, a new weight loss program is exciting and motivating. I remember (vaguely) when I walked into the meeting room and hearing about the program for the first time. I remember how excited, nervous and eager to learn about the program.

However, eventually I learned and mastered the program. I memorized the points values of the foods I ate most often and learned what foods worked for me. Then the boredom or the complacency sets in. Or in many cases, I would get the “cockys,” thinking I got it all figured out and I would stop tracking or stop measuring and weighing my foods. Eventually I stopped losing weight and even (OMG!!!!) gained.

No, having a plateau or gaining a small amount of weight is not the end of the world. In fact, I found it can be a good thing. The plateaus and the weight gains are feedback. They give me information about what I’ve been doing so far and that what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working. There are two ways I can deal with this information: I can do nothing and accuse the scale of plotting against me, say the program isn’t working and quit; or I can take a look at what I’ve been doing and make a change. As if the first option is even an option, so I’m going with the second one.

It’s not always easy to make changes, but I make goals for myself the best way to do that. This can be as small as making sure I get my two servings of dairy each day or making sure to take my supplements, or as large as registering for a race. This week I made several goals for myself: to fulfill the good health guidelines each day, especially both servings of dairy and my supplements; drink at least six 8-oz glasses of water; to track everything I eat; to not bring anything into my home that could potentially sabotage me this week (I’m keeping it to pretty much power foods this week. If I want something, I have to go out and get a single serving.); and doing my physical therapy exercises each day (something I’ve definitely slacked on in the last two weeks).

Each time I create new goals like this I get excited and eager all over again and it renews my resolve to get to goal. It is definitely motivating, but it’s also so empowering. I know I can’t change some things, like my foot injury and being unable to run, but there are things I can do. I probably won’t be perfect and achieve these goals 100%. But I don’t need to be perfect, just better than I was before. 

Progress

The past nine weeks since I pulled the tendons in my foot have been a bit of a blur. I have been going to physical therapy twice a week and have been doing the exercises prescribed by the therapist. My foot is definitely better than it was, with the pain now annoying than the previously all consuming agony I had shortly after I injured it. I was able to ditch the stupid brace but I have to wear arch supports in my shoes, which only fit in my running shoes and one pair of winter boots (I am gladly making the sacrifice to only wear my running shoes to never, ever wear that stupid brace again). The swelling in the tendons is gone. The best part is that I get to walk again as long as it doesn’t hurt too much.

That is the good news. The bad news is that I have been holding a pity party for one since I hurt my foot. I have been eating things that I haven’t eaten in a long time. I have been eating too much of the wrong things and not enough of the right things. I wasn’t tracking, so I wasn’t paying attention to what was going on and what I was putting in my mouth.

I have learned a lot about myself on this journey so far. I’ve learned that I am in many ways an all or nothing type of person when it comes to weight loss. When I decide to do something, I put 100% into it. I track everything I eat. I follow the good health guidelines perfectly. I make sure to get my exercise and activity in no matter what. This is great until I hit a bump in the road, like an injury, and I go way off track. What happens next? I gain weight of course.

I have gained about 10 pounds in the last two months. The first few weeks were because of the sudden change in my activity level and my body becoming accustomed to my temporary lifestyle and less activity. However, the pity party started some time after the first few weeks. I wish I could say I was enjoying myself, but that’s just not the case.

But something happened yesterday that put me back on the right path. Yesterday morning when I was getting dressed, I put on a pair of pants that I’ve worn many, many times but they were now tight in the waist. I was still able to wear them, but it was the warning signal I needed that I needed to get my act in gear if I didn’t want to gain the back the rest that I lost.

The tight pants seemed to be what I needed to get back on the right path. For the first time in a long time, I tracked everything I ate yesterday. I wasn’t perfect and I went over my daily points target for the day, but I tracked. I even went for a 20-minute walk at lunch just because I wanted to. My foot hurt afterwards and I paid for the price this morning at physical therapy, but I needed to do for my own mental well being.

I need to learn that while I can’t do everything, there are lots of things I can do to be successful. I am working on those things now. There’s a saying always used at the WW meetings: “Progress not perfection.” I’m making progress.

What makes an athlete and athlete?

A few weeks ago I participated in our monthly WW 5K social walk around the city. Yes, I shouldn’t have done it; I was in agony for two days after the walk. But I had an interesting and eye-opening conversation with my friend Bob. Bob is a WW lifetime member; he lost over 100 pounds and he walks all over Manhattan every day. I was explaining to him the results of the MRI and my injury. I joked that “I guess I can call myself an athlete since this is an athletic injury.” Bob responded in all seriousness, “Yes. It is an athletic injury. You are an athlete. You can tell people that.”

When I think of athletes, of course I think of professionals who make their living in any given sport. When I think of athletes, I also think of people like Mel (my super WW leader and runner) and my friend and fellow WW Sheryl (she runs, rides her bike EVERYWHERE, and is just such an all around active person), just to name a few. I also think athletes are all of the thousands of people who have been running, biking, playing tennis, or just live at the gym (I see a ton of them in my running magazines and on my social websites). The one person I never would have considered an athlete is me.

I know I don’t look like how an athlete “should” look. To many athletes, I probably don’t sound like an athlete. Yet somehow I became an athlete. I always thought that running is something I do, like washing dishes or cleaning the house. I just never think of myself as a runner. Maybe it’s because I’m still considered a newbie, but I think I maybe don’t feel I have “earned” the right to call myself a runner yet.

I've read many times that if you run, then you are a runner. Well, I run. I must be a runner and an athlete. Don't all athletes get injured at some point during their "career"? This is mine. 

I am an athlete. I am a runner.

Results

I received the results of my MRI today. I have a pulled tendon and some degeneration. I had to Google tendon degeneration. Apparently it occurs when an athlete increases activity too quickly. Well, I guess this means I am officially an athlete. The good news is that I didn’t tear anything, so that’s promising. Also good news that it is already starting to heal because it is not as painful as it was a week ago (and definitely not as painful as three weeks ago).

I need to continue to wear the brace with the 27 Velcro straps as it seems to actually be helping when it is not annoying the shit out of me. I also need take 400 milligrams of Advil twice a day for at least the next ten days. Doc would have prescribed something else, but I am allergic to most of the drugs they prescribe for this sort of thing. I also have to do a month of physical therapy twice a week. Physical therapy is activity, so I’m definitely all for that! I go for my evaluation on next week.

In the meantime, running, biking and anything that puts pressure on the foot is out. I am ashamed to say that I have been focusing on not what I can do, but what I can. Well, that stops now.  What I can do: most strength training exercises, especially the machines at the gym; walk, at least a mile or two a day as I have been, and I can swim (if anyone knows of a pool I can “borrow” for a month, please let me know).

What this means for my mid- and long-term plans, I have no idea, but I know what I need to do now. I will focus on the rest when I need to.

Sidelined

You would think I would be training for almost a month now for my half marathon. You would be wrong. Injuries tend to place you on the sidelines.

It happened two weeks ago while I was running on the treadmill at the gym. I was running my normal pace and suddenly felt a sharp pain in my right foot by the arch. I slowed down immediately to a walk, hoping it was just a kink. After a few minutes, it did subside and I continued with my run/walk training program. I didn’t have any other pain the rest of the night, so I thought it was all good.

That is until I stepped down off the bed the following morning. The pain shot from my arch up into my ankle. I tried staying off of it and not running for several days, but it didn’t improve. I went to a sports medicine specialist on Monday, hoping it was nothing too serious and that I’d be back to running soon.

Well, my bones look okay (except for a bone spur in my heel that I didn’t know about), but I definitely injured my tendon. The doctor gave me a brace that laces up like a shoe and has about 30 straps that secure with color-coded Velcro so I know where to secure each one. I don’t think it’s doing much except annoying me, but I will wear it until further notice. I also have to get an MRI so we can see what and how extensive the injury is and then hopefully start healing.

Of course I am unable to run and the doctor told me I can’t even go on the horrific stationary bike either. Fortunately, I can strength train, so I will be doing that at least three times a week for a while.

Yes, I am extremely disappointed that I can’t run (of course, the second the doctor said I couldn’t run I wanted to immediately get my running shoes on and just go), but I know I need to allow my foot to heal and not cause further damage. I’m also hoping it’s just a really bad pull and that with rest and maybe physical therapy I will be back to running sooner rather than later. Until then, I can only do what I can.

As for the half marathon in March, it is completely up in the air. But even if I’m unable to participate in it, which is likely at this point, there are many other half marathons I can participate in and will just pick another one later in the year. I may be sidelined right now, but I will back out there pounding the pavement soon.