In Three Days

Three days from right now I will be walking (and hopefully lots of running) my way through Brooklyn. I have felt and continue to feel a mélange of emotions, and I'm sure they will only get stronger as the day and the moment arrives.

I received an email with my wave assignment and bib number Monday night. I am in the second wave, which I knew I would be because I am slower than the majority of the runners participating in this race. My first thought was, "I'm really doing this!" It has been almost two and a half years since I decided to do a half marathon. I have had to fight through injury and illness, so a part of me thought it would never actually happen. But it is.

The next thought was, "Holy shit, I'm really gonna do this!" I am excited and nervous and terrified and sentimental and proud and anxious and weary and thrilled. Yep, that's a lot of emotions! I can't wait for Saturday morning to come already, but also would love a few more weeks, hell, a few more months to train for this.

I'm nervous that I will re-injure myself. Hell, I am always nervous and scared that this will happen, even if I'm just walking down the street. Or worse, that I'll get different and worse injury. But I've come this far; I'm not letting this stop me.

Part of me is nervous I won't be able to finish the mileage, but I'm pretty certain I can. I made it 10 miles; I can make it to 13.1. It's just one more 5k. I can do one more 5k.

Most of all, I'm nervous that I won't finish the race within the allotted time limit: three hours and 15 minutes from the last runner over the starting line. I am probably in the last corral, which means there's not a lot of wiggle room for me. Maybe adrenaline will kick in and push me over the edge. Maybe I'm faster than I have been in training (although I doubt it) or maybe I've just been holding back to much during my long training walk/runs. Either way, it all comes down to Saturday.

My former leader and running mentor, Melanie, once said she dedicates the last six miles of any of the marathons to different people. Well, during my 10 mile training a few weeks ago, I was struggling to get through the last few miles, so I thought back to what Melanie said about her dedications and it made me think of who I would dedicate each mile of the half. So, here's my list:

Mile 1: To my fellow WW peeps, both past and present. You are my peanut gallery and the best and largest cheering section a girl could have. You have all inspired me in your own way.

Mile 2: To my friend Manendra, who is always juggling so much and is a constant source of inspiration (and who is also running the half. Run like the wind M!!)

Mile 3: To my friend Tami, who created and organized the WW Social 5K and inspired us to keep moving.

Mile 4: To my friend Carin, who is always doing tons of activity and, before my injury, was my 4-miler running buddy (and here’s to lots more 4-milers and 5ks in the future together!)

Mile 5: To all my friends and family on social media who have supported me and given me encouragement. You know who you are and I thank you.

Mile 6: My friend Sheryl, for being a constant voice in my head, pushing me to do better.

Mile 7: To my friend Michelle, who battled Cancer twice, could barely walk after the second battle, and who I watched complete a 10K last year. You are a true inspiration!

Mile 8: To my friend and Maid of Honor, Lori, who is always so health conscious. She broke her foot and can't race right now, but we will do a race together in the future. I love you!

Mile 9: To my Mom, for always being my guiding light and my biggest cheerleader. She gave me the fight I have within me to go on, even when things seem too hard or impossible.

Mile 10: To my Dad, for when he was diagnosed with kidney disease, he did everything he needed to be healthy enough for a transplant. Three years later and he is fit and strong doing great.

Mile 11: To my former leader, and my current mentor, and friend Melanie; for always knowing what to say to push me outside of my comfort zone and to be more than I ever thought I could be. Thank you for being you. 

Mile 12: To my love and my future, Pete, for always cheering me on and always being in my corner. You are my rock and so much of the reason I do what I do. 

And Mile 13+: To me, for all the blood, sweat, tears, anger, frustration, and cheers, simply because I am worth it. 

So with tears in my eyes, I look forward to Saturday. 

Training Daze

So, this I started my training for the half marathon I signed up for, that is in May. Last week my foot decided it needed some TLC and started bugging me a bit, so I laid low and didn't do much. I decided to start my training with only walking the amount of time and mileage I am scheduled to so it doesn't decide to cause me more trouble. And because it neither precipitated nor was -20 degrees, I decided to do my walking outside instead of the treadmill.

And it was so wonderful! I don't know if it was because this winter has been so bitter cold and keeping me inside, because I was sick for over a month and couldn't train for my originally scheduled half marathon in three weeks, because I have been busy almost every weekend planning for a wedding for my love (yes, that's not at all stressful), or all of them combined. What I do know is that it has felt so good to be outside again, walking and pounding the pavement. Yes, it was cold and I was bundled in about three layers, but I was able to breathe the outside air into my lungs and not the air of a stuffy sweaty gym. I've recently realized that I really love running but I think I love to walk just as much (maybe even more since I can do it almost anywhere and don't need any special clothes for it except for good shoes). And boy have I missed it.

I still will be inside the sweaty gym for my cross training days, as I plan to do the stationary bike and weights and occasionally Zumba on those two days a week. I hopped on the bike at my gym this past Tuesday for the first time in a long time and it felt really good and was really good for my still not 100% foot. When I think there was a time when I didn't want to walk to store and now I walk miles a day. And since there are times in the past when I couldn't, it just makes me enjoy it that much more. I know I won't always think this way, because I know there will be times when I just won't want to get out there, but I will try and remember the times I couldn’t and how it makes me feel when I can and do.

I also signed up for two more races this week: a 4-miler in April, that I will incorporate into my weekly long training walk/run, and a 10K in June. For some reason, I am nervous for the 10K and I don’t understand why. I will have already completed the half marathon at that point, so 6+ miles should be no big deal, right? I've never officially done a 10K race, but I've walked as much as 8 miles in one day so this shouldn't be a big deal. And it's in Flushing Meadow Park, so it's a flat course that I'm familiar with? So, why am I so nervous???

On a somber note, my favorite leader, Melanie, is a leader no more. Yes, she quit being a leader and Yesterday was her last meeting. I have followed her from the dungeons of hell (okay, it was only the Park Avenue South meeting room, but it was in a dingy and disgusting basement) to a glorious need meeting center. She was my leader, my mentor, my inspiration, my cheerleader for five years and in that time,  she has also become my friend. I wish her tons of success in all of her new adventures; I will be cheering my ass off from the sidelines. While I am sad she will not be there every week, I am so happy for the decisions she's made and I will continue to cheer for her along the way of her journey. I know I need to continue on my journey and follow my own path, but I also know that we will cross paths often. And she will continue to cheer me on and inspire me as has for the past five years. Thank you, Mel, for everything.

A New Goal

I haven't written in a while, mostly because I really haven't had anything worthwhile to write about. I haven't been tracking my food. I haven't been fulfilling my good health guidelines. I have been eating foods that are just conducive to a healthy lifestyle. And no, I'm not surprised that I've gained some more weight.

I haven't gained all of the weight back because I haven't, as my friend Tami says, fallen completely down the rabbit hole. I am still eating better than I used to. I am still getting activity in, even if it's not as much as I want to or should.

Since I injured my foot 22 months ago, I feel like I have been in a fog. (Yes, I am bringing up the injury again, but I promise, this is the last time I will write about it. Even I am sick of thinking about that damn injury.) I have had small goals, but none have seemed to have stuck. I bike ride for a while but quickly get bored. I made a goal to track my food but I just didn't do it. I would make a goal to fulfill my good health guidelines, but I would rather have ice cream than have the cup of fat free greek yogurt and fruit. I would forgo the fruit that was sitting on my desk at work for some potato chips from the kitchen.

I know these are not decision that lead to weight loss and good health. So why did I make the choices I did? Was I in what some people call "brat mode", where I just don't want to do it? Was I just tired of making all of the hard decisions? I don't think so, but there are a few things I have learned about myself over the years:

1.     I need to have goals. Without a goal, I don't quite have a purpose.

2.     I get bored easily and need to constantly challenge myself.

3.     I am always looking to get better and to do better at almost everything I do. I always look to learn something new in everything I do.

4.     There is nothing that pisses me off and motivates me more than being told I can't do something.

5.     I am a very competitive person.

It has been much harder this time starting to run again, partially because I am heavier than before, but also because I am somewhat afraid that I will hurt myself again. I know it's okay to be afraid, but it's not okay to be crippled by that fear. So I decided that I needed to set a new goal for myself and I wanted it to involve running. I could have signed up for a 5K, a 4-miler, or even a 5-miler, but I've already conquered those races. They're fun, but I KNOW I can do them. I've never raced a 10K, but I've walked 10Ks and more just for fun this summer, so it really didn’t seem like much of a challenge.

I DID plan to do my first half marathon in March 2013 before I was sidelined, and it still pissed me off that I couldn't at least try to complete it. So this week I decided to train and sign up for the same half that I had planned to do last year. And like that race, I plan on walking/running the race.

I mentioned the idea to my leader/friend Melanie, who mentioned I could train to run the whole thing in the five months between now and then. I probably could, and that feels like an all or nothing kind of situation that I try not to put myself in. So, I will train to walk/run it, and if I manage to run/walk it then even better.

So how does this help me? Well, by having a goal and purpose, I am find I make better choices. I have already started making better food choices and asking myself, "Will this help me run and walk better? And "Is this food going to help me fuel my body?" or "Do you want the chips or do you want to complete the race?" I haven't been perfect and I don't plan to be, but now I have a reason to want to do well and feel well. If you take a single step in a slightly different direction, it could change everything.

And why will this time be different? Well, I'm for it five months before the race. This gives me time to strengthen up my legs and get some solid base mileage in before starting to train. I am giving myself 16 weeks to train instead of the normal 12, to account for holidays, vacations, and bad weather (I will only train outside this time which means there may be some days when I just can't get any running in and will need to walk). And before I ONLY ran or walked and never did any cross-training. This time, I am already figuring out how I can figure out other activities, sch as bike riding, weights and zumba. I'm even thinking of trying pilates (which is supposed to be great for runners!).

I'm really excited and a little scared to do this race, but I'm okay with that. It's going to be hard but I can do hard. Where's the fun in that?

Good (??) Advice To A Friend

A friend of mine recently started on her own health journey and asked me if I had any advice for her. I gave her, what I think, was pretty good advice: remember why you started on this journey; keep records of your progress and develop some mantras that you can repeat for yourself when you need them. I hope this was good advice; I didn't want to overwhelm her with too much information. But it got me thinking about what other advice I could give or what was given to me.

Each person's weight loss or health journey is as unique as we are. What works for me and my lifestyle may not work for another person. And I usually don't give advice on these kinds of things because I really don't feel as if I'm an expert in weight loss. I attribute my successes mostly to being determined and stubborn and to taking quitting off the table before I started the journey. All  can say is what I do and what's worked for me so far.

There are a bunch of things that have helped my success. First, I attend meetings. I attend them pretty much every week and if I miss a week, it's because I was sick. Even when I'm out of town, I find a meeting to go to. It helps keep it fresh in my mind and also helps be accountable. I also weigh in no matter what. If I don't, then I have no idea how I did. If it was a crappy week, then it gives me the freedom to take the information the scale is giving me and start fresh with a new week. Meetings also allow me to listen to other people and get new ideas. Sometimes another member has some brilliant insight and I might miss it if I don't go to the meeting.

Second, I try to be open to new things. I try lots of fruits and veggies. Some I love (yes, you lovely persimmons) and others I can live without (like Kumquats), but I wouldn't know this unless I tried them. When I was injured and couldn't run, tried all kinds of exercise to keep active and keep from getting bored. If I hadn't, then I wouldn't have fallen in love with Zumba and made it a must on Wednesday mornings.

Third, I have a wonderful support system. From attending meetings, I have met some of the greatest and supportive people, who have also become some of my greatest friends. I also have a wonderful person in my life who continues to support me throughout this journey. I surround myself with inspiring people. I think success is contagious and when I'm around people who work hard to live a certain way, it's hard not to try to live that way too. I cheer on my friends when they run races and push themselves; they inspire me to someday do the same.

Fourth, I don't focus on losing weight. I try and do lots of healthy things and make the weight loss the byproduct of all of the things I'm doing. If weight loss was my only focus, I would have quit long before now. Instead, I make small, attainable that require me to actually do something, like go to the gym twice a week. If I achieve that goal, then I set a new one. If not, then I continue to make it a goal until I do.

Fifth, I find out what works for me and I do that. This means I make mistakes sometimes. I've learned a lot about myself so far (and I keep learning) and this helps me be successful. I like to cook and am most successful when I eat my own food, but if I hated to cook, that wouldn’t work for me. I know what foods trigger me to binge and what foods I can manage to enjoy a serving and move on. I know that if I leave my running clothes out and in the living room and set my alarm for 5 am, I will get my ass out the door to get a walk or a run but you can't get me to leave the house after 8pm on a weeknight. I know I eat when I'm bored. I work with what works for me to be successful and not push myself to do something I just won't enjoy or just won't do.

Finally, I truly believe that I will at some point get to goal. I know it is hard, but there are no shortcuts. It took me my entire life to get to the point I'm at and real change does not happen overnight. If I believe I can't do something then I can't, but if I believe I can, I will push myself to be able to do it. If I didn't believe I could get to goal, then why would I bother? I know I can and I will.

There a lot of others things I do (bring my lunch to work most days, keep healthy foods at the ready at home, write this blog, etc.), but like I said, they are what work for me and may not work for anyone else. I hope my friend finds lots of tools that help her be successful too.

18+ Months

In the last 18 (almost 19, but who's counting) months, I had numerous visits with doctors, two months of physical therapy, weeks of wearing what I called a straight jacket for my foot, one X-Ray, one MRI, and one fitting for orthotics. I tried different forms of exercise: Zumba, bike, (h)elliptical, fake kickboxing classes, toning classes, machines, weights, walking, and even tried this class called Throwback, which was really intense and made me sore for five days.

Today I did something that was a LONG time in coming. This morning I ran. I RAN.

Okay, it was more of a walk with a few bursts of slow running. I'm sure I didn't look particularly cute or coordinated. And I didn't get very far before I would get too tired and had to walk. I didn't care. I RAN.

Let me rewind a bit. About two months  ago, I went to a new sports medicine specialist to get a second opinion/update on my foot. He told me there was no reason I shouldn't be running since it is all healed but that I should use orthotics or arch supports. I explained that I was already using arch supports, and they were not enough, so he suggested custom orthotics because, "Most runners have orthotics." Fortunately, they had a podiatrist within the same practice and was able to see him that same day. About two weeks after that, I trekked to Brooklyn and got fitted for the orthotics. I received them two weeks later.

 
I was told to break them in slowly, an hour the first day and gradually increase the amount of time. It took a long time to get used to them. I had an old pair of running shoes that I put them in, but they were really for lots of stability and had almost no cushioning. Both of my feet were hurting after a few hours of wearing them, so I knew I needed a new pair (and I purposely waited until after I had the orthotics). Last Sunday, I went to the greatest running store ever and got fitted for a new pair of running shoes. I had been walking in them to get used to the shoes, but I had been wanting to take them for a real test drive since I got them.

And I did! It has been so long since I ran, so I knew I wasn't going to run far. I am also up about 20 pounds from the last time I ran, so I knew it was going to be a slow ride. I didn't care. I walked for about 10 minutes to really warm up my, which is what I always did, Then I ran a very flat, long block. I didn't even make it the entire length of the black before having to walk, but it was wonderful. Of course I started crying almost immediately after that first leap, but I told myself, "If you cry, then you won't be able to breathe, and if you can't breather then you can't run!" I held off crying until I started walking. I was just so happy.

What amazed me was that although it had been so long since I ran a step, my body still knew what to do. I didn't need to think about my breathing. I didn't need to worry about the movement of my arms or anything. My body just knew what to do and did it.

And the foot? It felt fine! I stretched and will do my exercises and ice my foot tonight just in case, but I had no ill effects.

I can't wait to do it again.

Continuing On the Interstate

Before today, I hadn’t been to the gym in over a month. In fact, I don’t know when I last went to the gym. Before yesterday, I hadn’t tracked for more than a day in one week in months. I didn’t even go to Wednesday Night Happy Hour this week, so I don’t even know what my current weight is.

Although I hadn’t gained any weight in the last month or so, I can definitely feel the difference. Some of my pants are getting a little tight, which means I was starting to feel the effects of the lack of exercise. I was not fulfilling my GHGs (Good Health Guidelines), and I could feel the effects of that as well (my body was yearning for the many fruits and veggies and healthy oil my body has become accustomed to). And overall I just felt blah.

Although I didn’t attend WNHH this week, they have still been with me this week. On Wednesday, the firm I work for ordered pizza for the office. In the past, I would have jumped at the chance to have some pizza, but I remembered what my friend Jonathan always says when he is faced with unplanned food in the office: “I don’t eat unplanned food.” I had brought my lunch that day and ate what I brought instead.

And then yesterday, I tracked all of my food and even tracked my snacks that I didn’t plan for. I then decided to look at my gym’s new class schedule and see where I could plan on taking a class. I then scheduled them in my phone with reminders so I don’t forget. I did that for this morning as well. And I really didn’t want to go this morning, even though I had already packed my gym bag. I contemplated bringing my bag and going later after work, but I knew I would be too tired to go. Besides, I was already up and ready to go, so I went. And no, I don’t regret going. I really missed the post-exercise feeling. 

Last week I signed up for a virtual 5K race that my friend Dani is hosting. I can’t run the race, but I will be walking it. And since it’s not timed, there is no pressure to finish it within a certain period of time like some other races are. And I plan on walking other events this year. I love the whole experience of doing a race. I hope someday I can run in them again, but for now, I will just have to walk them.

Although I hadn't done some of the things that made me successful until now, I knew I would get back to those habits eventually. I knew because I kept at it and didn’t give up. I kept going to meetings. I kept eating better than I had pre-Weight Watchers. It’s like driving across country. I got off the interstate for a while. I took state and county roads, some of which didn't really take me in the direction I wanted to go. But there are always signs that tell you how to get back on the interstate when you're ready. I was ready to get back on the interstate and to continue my journey.  

KISS: Keep it Simple Smarty

It is a new year, so it is the perfect time to recommit to my weight loss journey.

Yes, I have gone to meeting religiously and have generally lived a healthier lifestyle than I have in previous years. But admittedly, I have not done everything I could to help my own weight loss cause. Weight loss is about 50% physical and 90% mental. No, I am not that bad at math. Anyone who has ever had a weight issue knows that what we are dealing with mentally controls our physical being. For most of 2013, my head was just not completely in it. I addressed these in previous posts, so I'm not going to rehash them in this one. I am moving forward with 2014 and getting my head in the game again.

Each year about this time, the "Dubs Dubs" introduces a new program. Some years it completely revamps the program, like it did with Points Plus, and other years, it just tweaks the previous year's program. This year they are tweaking the 360 program with simple start. Simple sounds good to me.

Mel asked us in the meeting this week to commit to one simple thing to do for the next three weeks and to write it down. I didn't write it down right away because I wanted to think about what I would commit (or recommit in this case) to doing. Over the last 5+ years, I've learned a lot of skills that are proven to lead to success. I am going to use some of those skills now. I pride myself on being able to make small attainable goals because the big picture is just too overwhelming. Another thing I learns last year is to take one thing and do it over and over to make it a habit. So for the next three weeks, I am doing two simple things (because I can’t JUST do one): tracking my food and eating my GHGs (or good health guidelines). Yes, there are a lot more habits that I doing here: planning my meals in advance, bringing my food with me, having a fruit or vegetable with every meal, etc. These I already do, so I am tackling the habits I have not done lately.

I know exercise and activity are important to weight loss and I will get some activity in. I will probably go to the gym a few days a week. But I don’t want to complicate things. I want to make things simple, get back to basics.