In Three Days

Three days from right now I will be walking (and hopefully lots of running) my way through Brooklyn. I have felt and continue to feel a mélange of emotions, and I'm sure they will only get stronger as the day and the moment arrives.

I received an email with my wave assignment and bib number Monday night. I am in the second wave, which I knew I would be because I am slower than the majority of the runners participating in this race. My first thought was, "I'm really doing this!" It has been almost two and a half years since I decided to do a half marathon. I have had to fight through injury and illness, so a part of me thought it would never actually happen. But it is.

The next thought was, "Holy shit, I'm really gonna do this!" I am excited and nervous and terrified and sentimental and proud and anxious and weary and thrilled. Yep, that's a lot of emotions! I can't wait for Saturday morning to come already, but also would love a few more weeks, hell, a few more months to train for this.

I'm nervous that I will re-injure myself. Hell, I am always nervous and scared that this will happen, even if I'm just walking down the street. Or worse, that I'll get different and worse injury. But I've come this far; I'm not letting this stop me.

Part of me is nervous I won't be able to finish the mileage, but I'm pretty certain I can. I made it 10 miles; I can make it to 13.1. It's just one more 5k. I can do one more 5k.

Most of all, I'm nervous that I won't finish the race within the allotted time limit: three hours and 15 minutes from the last runner over the starting line. I am probably in the last corral, which means there's not a lot of wiggle room for me. Maybe adrenaline will kick in and push me over the edge. Maybe I'm faster than I have been in training (although I doubt it) or maybe I've just been holding back to much during my long training walk/runs. Either way, it all comes down to Saturday.

My former leader and running mentor, Melanie, once said she dedicates the last six miles of any of the marathons to different people. Well, during my 10 mile training a few weeks ago, I was struggling to get through the last few miles, so I thought back to what Melanie said about her dedications and it made me think of who I would dedicate each mile of the half. So, here's my list:

Mile 1: To my fellow WW peeps, both past and present. You are my peanut gallery and the best and largest cheering section a girl could have. You have all inspired me in your own way.

Mile 2: To my friend Manendra, who is always juggling so much and is a constant source of inspiration (and who is also running the half. Run like the wind M!!)

Mile 3: To my friend Tami, who created and organized the WW Social 5K and inspired us to keep moving.

Mile 4: To my friend Carin, who is always doing tons of activity and, before my injury, was my 4-miler running buddy (and here’s to lots more 4-milers and 5ks in the future together!)

Mile 5: To all my friends and family on social media who have supported me and given me encouragement. You know who you are and I thank you.

Mile 6: My friend Sheryl, for being a constant voice in my head, pushing me to do better.

Mile 7: To my friend Michelle, who battled Cancer twice, could barely walk after the second battle, and who I watched complete a 10K last year. You are a true inspiration!

Mile 8: To my friend and Maid of Honor, Lori, who is always so health conscious. She broke her foot and can't race right now, but we will do a race together in the future. I love you!

Mile 9: To my Mom, for always being my guiding light and my biggest cheerleader. She gave me the fight I have within me to go on, even when things seem too hard or impossible.

Mile 10: To my Dad, for when he was diagnosed with kidney disease, he did everything he needed to be healthy enough for a transplant. Three years later and he is fit and strong doing great.

Mile 11: To my former leader, and my current mentor, and friend Melanie; for always knowing what to say to push me outside of my comfort zone and to be more than I ever thought I could be. Thank you for being you. 

Mile 12: To my love and my future, Pete, for always cheering me on and always being in my corner. You are my rock and so much of the reason I do what I do. 

And Mile 13+: To me, for all the blood, sweat, tears, anger, frustration, and cheers, simply because I am worth it. 

So with tears in my eyes, I look forward to Saturday. 

Training Daze

So, this I started my training for the half marathon I signed up for, that is in May. Last week my foot decided it needed some TLC and started bugging me a bit, so I laid low and didn't do much. I decided to start my training with only walking the amount of time and mileage I am scheduled to so it doesn't decide to cause me more trouble. And because it neither precipitated nor was -20 degrees, I decided to do my walking outside instead of the treadmill.

And it was so wonderful! I don't know if it was because this winter has been so bitter cold and keeping me inside, because I was sick for over a month and couldn't train for my originally scheduled half marathon in three weeks, because I have been busy almost every weekend planning for a wedding for my love (yes, that's not at all stressful), or all of them combined. What I do know is that it has felt so good to be outside again, walking and pounding the pavement. Yes, it was cold and I was bundled in about three layers, but I was able to breathe the outside air into my lungs and not the air of a stuffy sweaty gym. I've recently realized that I really love running but I think I love to walk just as much (maybe even more since I can do it almost anywhere and don't need any special clothes for it except for good shoes). And boy have I missed it.

I still will be inside the sweaty gym for my cross training days, as I plan to do the stationary bike and weights and occasionally Zumba on those two days a week. I hopped on the bike at my gym this past Tuesday for the first time in a long time and it felt really good and was really good for my still not 100% foot. When I think there was a time when I didn't want to walk to store and now I walk miles a day. And since there are times in the past when I couldn't, it just makes me enjoy it that much more. I know I won't always think this way, because I know there will be times when I just won't want to get out there, but I will try and remember the times I couldn’t and how it makes me feel when I can and do.

I also signed up for two more races this week: a 4-miler in April, that I will incorporate into my weekly long training walk/run, and a 10K in June. For some reason, I am nervous for the 10K and I don’t understand why. I will have already completed the half marathon at that point, so 6+ miles should be no big deal, right? I've never officially done a 10K race, but I've walked as much as 8 miles in one day so this shouldn't be a big deal. And it's in Flushing Meadow Park, so it's a flat course that I'm familiar with? So, why am I so nervous???

On a somber note, my favorite leader, Melanie, is a leader no more. Yes, she quit being a leader and Yesterday was her last meeting. I have followed her from the dungeons of hell (okay, it was only the Park Avenue South meeting room, but it was in a dingy and disgusting basement) to a glorious need meeting center. She was my leader, my mentor, my inspiration, my cheerleader for five years and in that time,  she has also become my friend. I wish her tons of success in all of her new adventures; I will be cheering my ass off from the sidelines. While I am sad she will not be there every week, I am so happy for the decisions she's made and I will continue to cheer for her along the way of her journey. I know I need to continue on my journey and follow my own path, but I also know that we will cross paths often. And she will continue to cheer me on and inspire me as has for the past five years. Thank you, Mel, for everything.