Last Race of 2012 and First Race Planned for 2013

This past Sunday I ran in my last race of 2012. It was listed as a 4-mile race (turned out to be 3.7, which means my pace kind of sucked) in Prospect Park, Brooklyn. I had never been to Prospect Park, and certainly had never run in it, so this was a new experience for me.

The race was a Jingle Bell Jog, which helps raise money for Toys for Tots. They even had a booth at the start/finish where you could donate toys for the charity. Because this was a kid-friendly race, there were a lot of kids and entire families participating. It had a really festive feel to it.

It was nice to run somewhere other than Central Park, but I don’t plan on participating in another race there. The road in Prospect Park is slanted, I guess to prevent puddles in the middle of the road, but for a runner like me who normally runs on the side of the road during races, this could be a problem. Because I am not fast, I usually stick to one side to allow those faster than me to pass. However, a slanted road can really cause an injury, so I was forced to move to the middle of the road. Also, I traveled a much farther distance than I usually do to participate in the race. It was nice to run though and complete my last race of the year.

It was especially nice to finish this race because it was the last race I needed to qualify for the 2013 New York City Marathon! (Why else would I have traveled over 2 hours for a race that I would finish in half that time?) Yes, I ran a total of 8 (it would have been 9 if the Dash to the Finish 5K, which I was supposed to run the day before the marathon, wasn’t cancelled) New York Road Runners events and volunteered for another. I also ran two other non-NYRR races this past spring, bringing my total to 10 road races this year. I am glad and proud that I completed this goal and that I was able to. I never would have imagined completing a single race when I started Weight Watchers; forget about 10 of them!

And I have already started planning for 2013. As I wrote in my last blog post, I plan on running/walking a half marathon. Well, I have taken some steps to start on that journey. I now have a gym membership. The last gym membership I had was in 2010 and I went maybe a dozen times. I realized it was because it just wasn’t convenient for me. I also don’t love the gym, but I need to cross train on certain days so I can continue to get exercise in and get stronger without wearing out my legs and causing injury. I can weight train or use the stationary bikes or even take a class. Winter is also approaching, and although I prefer to run/walk outside, it is better to run on a dreadmill (yes, you read that correctly!) on my shorter, weekday runs than not run at all. I also got a membership where I can go to any location and there is one near my office and one not far from home.

I also took a blank calendar and indicated what I should be doing each day (since each day I do something different). When I was planning my training, I consulted with WW leader extraordinaire Melanie (you might remember that I mentioned that she’s run 10 marathons and about a zillion other races) on how I should approach the training and when I should start. The training schedule I found was for 12 weeks, but because it’s my first half marathon and because I’ll be training in winter, she suggested I start sooner, giving me a longer training schedule.

I also started my training schedule this week. EEEEEEEKKKKK!!! (I’m Sorry, but I just had to be a bit of a girl for a second.) The first few weeks I will be training for about 45-50 minutes and my long runs/walks to be four to five miles. I’m not nervous or anything about the next few weeks, but I am for what’s to come in the next few months. I’m also just so excited because of all of the new things I am about to experience. It also means that by starting my training, I am committing to this 100% and that can be scary (in such a good way).

Over the next three and one-half months, I will be stepping way out of my comfort level so many times. I will be testing my body for all it can do. I will need to track my food and water intake so carefully as it is so easy to overeat when you are training (thank you for already giving me this WW!). And I will be trying different sports drinks, gels and fueling devices to see which work best for me.

Yes, I am excited and nervous, but I am also so eager to experience all of these things. Yes, I could have continued only doing 5Ks and 4-milers (and I plan on doing a bunch of those as well) for 2013, but I won’t really ever see what I’m capable of if I never push myself to do more.

The Tale of Two Races

I had two completely different race experiences recently. The first one was another 4-miler in Central Park the Saturday before Thanksgiving. I hadn’t run in about a month, so my expectations weren’t high that I would have an amazing race. And the weather had changed since the last time I ran, so I was also not acclimated to the cold yet. Yeah, I basically just wanted to run when I could, walk the rest and basically just cross the finish line.

First, I didn’t dress properly for before, during or after the race. I didn’t want to check any stuff at the race, so I didn’t have my winter jacket or a change of clothes with me. I also overdressed for the race itself, wearing a heaving Under Armour cold gear turtleneck underneath a fleece jacket and a long sleeve tech tee. I was freezing before and after the race and way too hot during the race. My lungs, due to the air that I was not used to running in, burned for the first mile or so of the race, causing me to stop running and walk often. It was not a fun race and the best I can say about it was that I crossed the finish line.

The second race was a 5-miler this past Sunday and the longest race I ever participated in. I decided I would walk at least half of the race, especially the first half, so I would have enough energy to finish the race. I decided to walk most of the first half of the race and then run most of the last two miles and hoped I could finish strong. This is a change from how I usually race, where I start off really strong and tire out during the second half.

This turned out to be one of the best races I’ve ever had (to think, I didn’t even want to do this race at all). I think there are several reasons for this. One, I think is because of what I ate. I seem to have a very sensitive stomach when I run, so I usually have stomach issues during and after my races. To combat this, I have been experimenting for a while with eating different types of foods before a race and experimenting with when I should start eating these different foods. Almost two days before this race, I started eating more carbohydrates, bland protein (chicken mostly), and less fiber and staying away from most dairy and very little fat. No, I wasn’t running a marathon, but I was trying to stay away from foods that take a long time to digest and might cause distress. Basically I ignored the good health guidelines for those two days and it seemed to work. No issues before or after the race. Success!!

Two, I didn’t get any cramps in my side during the race. I seem to get this usually about half way through most of races I’ve done. It is really painful and actually takes my breath away, so I find I have to slow down and walk until the pain subsides. I don’t know why I get this (it is always on the right side). I’ve done research on this and the experts don’t have any answers, so I don’t know how to avoid them. Maybe because I did more walking in the beginning of the race and was really able to warm up a lot, but I just didn’t get them this time. I hope this was the answer, but I will continue to experiment and hopefully will get an answer.

Three, I dressed appropriately for the weather this time, for during the race and even when I wasn’t. This time I wore my winter jacket to the race and took it off just before the race time (my honey Pete was there to hold my crap for me – thank you and <3 you Pete!!). For the race itself, I wore running tights, a long sleeve tech tee, a fleece vest (it’s not designed for running, but I’ve had it for years tried it out last year and found that it was perfect for running in the 40s), a running headband to cover my ears (I wore a hat last time and my head was really hot), and running gloves (was able to take them off easily when my hands got too hot). I also brought a change of clothes with me so I wouldn’t be walking around all day in wet sweaty clothes (once I stop running, I have about 5 minutes in cold weather before I cool down and get really cold).

Fourth, I just felt really good when I crossed the finish line. For the first time ever after a race, I felt as though I could have gone longer. I know it was partially because I walked so much of the race and was slower in the beginning of the race instead of at the end. I think it was also the other reasons I mentioned. I actually was smiling when they took my picture! And I smiled when I crossed the finish line! Of course, this was also because of the other reasons, but I just started to enjoy it again.

Running the 5-miler also made me realize how hard I was being on myself. I was taking this all-or-nothing approach to running. I felt as though I HAD to run the races in their entirety. When I would stop to walk during a race (as I have for ever race I’ve ever done), I was disappointed because I wasn’t achieving my goal I would set for myself. Then I would get frustrated and stop running for a while (like I did last month). This is what is known as the all-or-nothing approach and a lot of people trying to lose weight and get healthy take this approach. I don’t approach any other aspect of my health journey this way, so why was I being so hard on myself when it came to running these races?

Please don’t think I am saying a person shouldn’t push herself to do better. I’m saying that goals should be something harder to attain than something you already have achieved, but not so hard that there is no way to attain it. I think I was also just looking at these races and seeing what I hadn’t done and not being proud of all I had.

My goal for the 5-miler was different than any other race because I needed it to be if I wanted to be successful. And I was. I think the last time I felt that good about crossing the finish line was my first race in April 2010. It was great to feel that way again.

Next week I’m starting to train for running/walking a half marathon that I will do in March. It IS an ambitious goal, but I have run/walked over eight miles in one day, so I know I can run/walk 13.1 on race day. And yes, the goal is run/walk the race, not run it. Besides, a mile is still a mile, whether I run, walk, or crawl it. I’ll just have to do it 13.1 times.

My Story

In my last post, I wrote about how excited I was to, not only run my 5k race on Saturday, but to witness my friends run the New York City Marathon on Sunday. As you already know, both my race and the marathon were canceled. Yes, I was sad, but I am sadder for all of those that were impacted by Sandy much more than I was. My heart goes out to all those who have lost much more than the ability to run a race.

I have not run since before Sandy hit. There are several reasons for this: weather and illness are just a few. However, I choose not to torture myself and break down the reasons why I haven’t run. A few weeks ago, I was thinking of why, 4 ½ years ago, I decided to join Weight Watchers and when I decided to start running. I am a firm believer that I need to look back sometimes to remember where I’ve been, to realize how far I’ve come, and to remember why I decided to do this in the first place.

My story of why I decided to join Weight Watchers is very much intertwined with another person’s story: My Dad’s. My Dad was diagnosed with kidney disease five years ago in November 2007. Neither my parents or I knew really anything about kidney disease, but we quickly learned that can be a result of high blood pressure (which can also be caused by kidney disease), diabetes, gout, medication, smoking, and just an overall unhealthy lifestyle. Well, my Dad didn’t smoke or have diabetes, but he did have high blood pressure which caused him to be on medication most of his life, gout and he was overweight.

My Dad immediately changed his lifestyle and changed his eating habits, eating foods that would cause the kidneys to work harder and cause more damage. He had to eliminate some of his favorite and actually very healthy foods like tomatoes and bananas. He started exercising regularly and started losing weight.

In the interim, I was continuing to eat and gain weight. I was sick of how I looked and how I was feeling, but more importantly I was scared. While I didn’t have gout or high blood pressure, I was overweight and at the time smoked. And the fact alone that my Dad had kidney disease gave me a much higher risk of getting it myself in the future.

It took me six months from the time my Dad was diagnosed to step into the Weight Watchers Park Avenue South center. If you’ve never been there, it is in this dank, smelly basement in this completely ordinary building. The bathrooms don’t work properly and it is either freezing in that room or about 85 degrees when they pump up the heat in the winter. If that room didn’t scare me, nothing will. I decided before I joined that I wasn’t going to quit this time and that I was going to make goal. But I knew I would have a long road ahead.

In the meantime, my Dad continued to lose weight. His kidney production slowly decreased and he started the process of getting placed on the kidney donor list in Miami. He was accepted, but he still needed to lose more weight. He had about 30 pounds to go. Fortunately, the changes he made to his diet and his lifestyle kept his kidneys as healthy as possible. He was able to stay off dialysis for two years.

About three years ago, I decided to find out my blood type to find out if I could be a potential match. At first I thought I wasn’t, but it turned out I could but I would to go for extensive testing. I went for the testing, where I had to collect my urine for 24 hours and took lots and lots of blood. Twenty-four vials to be exact. I didn’t go through the complete round of tests because they said I needed to lose 25-30 pounds before I would even be considered.

Although I had already been on Weight Watchers for about two years and had lost some weight, this was something completely different. I was no longer losing weight just for my health, but for my Dad’s as well. One of the blood tests showed that my Thyroid levels were high and that I would need that taken care of. Although I had known for years I had Hashimoto’s, an autoimmune disease that causes the white blood cells to attack the thyroid, I had not needed any medication. It certainly explained why I was having such a hard time losing weight over that last few months. (By the way, it is a very treatable disease, but can cause a whole host of problems if left untreated.)

The doctors at the hospital suggested I go to a nutritionist, but I told them I was already on Weight Watchers. Besides, I reasoned that if I was going to have only one kidney, then I would need to live healthfully for the rest of my life. I told few about this, but I did tell a few of my WW peeps and my leader extraordinaire Mel. I knew I would need their help and that they wouldn’t put pressure on me that I just didn’t need or want. Weight loss is such a mental thing and I didn’t want or need anyone judging me or questioning me if I had lost the weight yet.

In the meantime, my Dad had to start dialysis two years ago, November 2010. It was life-changing for both of parents. For four hours three times a week, he was hooked up to a machine that filters the blood because his kidneys were unable to do so. He was on lots of pills and was then put on an even stricter diet. (It was the opposite of Weight Watchers. Lots of protein, no dairy, and very few fruits and vegetables.) There were also the mood swings and the moments of fatigue that could literally hit him at any moment.

And I kept on slowly losing the weight. I decided that when I hit 50 pounds down that I would schedule the appointment to get the full testing. I had lost 46 pounds when my Dad received the call that there was a kidney and to come to the hospital. After extensive testing, I received the call the next morning from my Mom at 2 a.m to pack my bags because he was getting the transplant.

My Dad received late Saturday, June 9, 2012, eight days before Father’s Day. It wasn’t my kidney, but he said it was the best Father’s Day gift ever (especially since he told me that he really didn’t want me to donate it after all).

I know this may sound selfish, but I am relieved. Of course I am thrilled that my Dad has a second chance at life, but I’m also relieved to not have to make the decision. If I decision to not donate, would my Dad get a transplant? If I decided to donate, I would voluntarily give myself a pre-existing condition and could potentially have health issues in the future. I just don’t know what I would have decided and I guess I don’t need to.

It has been 5 months since my Dad received his transplant. He is doing well and one of the technicians, who performed one of his many sonograms, said it looks as though the donated kidney was made for him.

And I continue on my journey. For me it’s not just a weight loss journey; it is a health journey. I look forward to what’s still to come and I am thankful for all that I have.

(Just a quick note: While I don’t know who the donor was, I thank her and her family for saving at least two people that day, as I also met the recipient of the other donor’s kidney. And I am paying it forward: I registered a few months ago in New York State to be a donor. I hope I can one day save at least one life the way my Dad’s was.)

My Inspiration

The New York City Marathon is a little over a week away. No, I’m not running the marathon! I just ran a complete 5K for the first time about a month ago! Sheesh!

However, I know several people who are running it this year, and for a few of them, this will be their first marathon. While I won’t be running it, I think I am just as excited for them to run it as they are. You see, for most of them, they started just like I did. I’ve heard their stories of how they walked for 10 minutes, then 20, then 30. Then they started jogging for a minute or two while they were walking and it snowballed from there.

My friend Sheryl is an energizer bunny who runs, runs stairs for fun, and bikes everywhere in four-inch heels. She also has been training for the marathon will run her first ever marathon on November 4. She writes a fantastic blog about her fitness adventures at http://www.sherylyvette.com/ and recently blogged about her marathon training. Yes, she chronicles her fitness adventures for all to see, and it has been so fabulous to be a spectator of all of her new fitness milestones.

One of my other first-time marathon friends is Christina. She lost so much weight, which you can read about at http://www.weightwatchers.com/success/art/index.aspx?SuccessStoryId=16491&sc=17. She has been dealing with injuries for much of her training, which has made her rethink her strategy for the marathon. I know she is disappointed she won’t be running as fast as she might, I know she will still power through and have a fantastic race.

I know, this is supposed to be about me, and believe me it is. Sheryl and Christina and my other friends like them inspire me so much. I know they have put in tons of hours and produced lots of sweat and tears to get to run the marathon.  I see how they have struggled with injuries and illnesses to fight and overcome. Like me, they were also overweight not long ago, they worked and believed in themselves enough to get to this point.

This year I made a goal for myself to run nine New York Road Runners Races. I have run five races to date and have four more to go (I’m already registered for three of the four). My reasoning for doing this, besides the obvious health benefits: NYRR members (that’s me!!) who run nine races and perform one volunteer stint (which I’m doing this Sunday, probably in the rain) are automatically to the 2013 NYC Marathon. No, I’m not planning on running the marathon next year, despite what some people may think (and you know who you are), but I hate being told I can’t do something just because I didn’t run enough races or volunteer.

The point is, no matter when I run my first marathon, and I will, I know I will have to put in as much work as my friends have. In the past, I would dread all of the work that I need to put in and would probably avoid it. I don’t any longer. Yes, new challenges and obstacles can be scary. Dammit, they are scary, but I truly look forward to the challenges. I learned a long time ago that the harder you work for the things you want, the more precious they are when you get them. I plan on working my ass off.

It's Not Comfortable? Good!

I often strive to do something outside of my comfort zone: try a new running route; try running at a different time of the day; try a new fruit; etc. Sometimes I have fantastic results, like when I tried eating quinoa for the first time, and sometimes not so much (I found fresh lychees nothing special and am content if I never have them again). Now matter how they turn out, I’m always glad I do it.

Yesterday I brought some running gear into work determined to run during lunch. I wanted to get some running in yesterday, but I didn’t wake up early enough to do it in the morning and I had my weekly Dubs Dubs meeting that night. A lunchtime run seemed like the best choice. Yes, I run frequently but never in the middle of the day and never during my lunch hour at work.

At 12:50, I went into the bathroom, lugging my running clothes, and prepped for my run. Once I left the bathroom, took one last swig of water, grabbed my cell phone and a dollar (just in case I need water or something) and headed out the door. I work in Midtown East in Manhattan, not to far from Grand Central Station, so I headed east toward the river. There is a bike path/walkway right on the water, so I started running.

About 10 minutes into my run, I got the sharpest pain in the back of my calf into my foot. OWWW!! Every time I took a step, it felt like my entire lower leg and foot was on fire. I had to slow down to a limping walk to try and walk out the cramp(??) in my leg. I stopped to stretch it some, hoping I could get the kink out. And then I continued walking.

I alternated walking and stretching for several minutes until I got to an area where I could cross over the highway, which was about 24^th Street. I was still in a lot of pain, so I figured my run was done for the day, but I still had to walk back to my office. I was annoyed because I was so looking forward to the run. I really was enjoying, for the few short minutes I was able to, running along the water with the wind on my face. I cursed silently at my leg through much of the walk back.

As I was walking, I noticed the pain was slowly subsiding. A few blocks from the office, I noticed I wasn’t in pain at all. I decided to test the leg again, knowing that if it acted up again, I only had a short walk back to the office. I started and waited for the shooting pain to start, and it never came. I ran for about 5 minutes, but it was coming to the end of my lunch hour and I had to return to the office and still needed to cool down and stretch.

Dammit!! If I would have had more time, I definitely would have stayed out there longer. Stupid leg!

So, do I regret going outside my comfort zone and getting out there yesterday? No, because I wouldn’t have found the new route that is absolutely fantastic. Do I wish my body would do what I want it to? Of course, but it sometimes just doesn’t. I am able to realize, through experience, that every run is not going to be like that last one and it won’t keep me from doing it again. I definitely will go for another lunchtime run and soon. And I will keep stepping outside my comfort zone. If I don’t, then I will never experience anything new and where’s the fun in that??

NSV Is Not An Illness

As I mentioned in my previous post, I signed up for Mel’s eight-week tracker challenge. For this challenge, I need to track all of the food I eat and the exercise I do for the eight weeks.

Well, one week down. How did I do? Well, I wrote down everything I ate. It wasn’t pretty. There was greasy, fatty Chinese food and lots of homemade chocolate cookies (it’s my own fault that I made on Sunday when it was too miserable to leave the house). I didn’t fulfill my good health guidelines for a few days either. And I didn’t calculate points plus values on a few of the days. As I said, not pretty. No, I don’t remember all of this; I don’t have a photographic memory. I wrote it all down.

It is no surprise with the type of foods I ate that I gained a bit of weight. I wasn’t surprised at all when I saw the number on the scale. It was a little reminder that I can’t eat like that and expect to lose (not that I expected to). That’s the thing with keeping track of what you eat; you know when you’ve had a good week and when you’ve had a not so good week.

I was far from perfect this week and I’m not striving for perfection. Perfection is impossible and leads to failure. Consistency is key, and the more I eat the right foods the more successful I will be. This week I just strive to be better than I was last week. This is basically what all of my goals are: to be better than I was before.

Goal-setting is so important for me during this journey. It helps keep me focused on a specific task. I believe this tracker challenge is really helping me to focus on wheat I need to do to be successful. I used to carry this book around me. Every Tuesday (my weigh in day used to be Tuesday, so I would start fresh Tuesday mornings), I would write on one sheet of paper my goals for the week on one side and my NSVs for the week on the other. I stopped doing it several months ago. Well, I started doing it again this past week. I find it so important to get those goals down in writing as well as what I have accomplished.

Yes, not taking a free donut from the work kitchen may not seem much to some, but it is a big step during that weight loss journey. It is so easy to focus on all of the things I do “wrong” that I don’t focus on all of the positive changes. By keeping track of the NSVs, I am acknowledging all of the hard work I am doing and all of the small ways I am changing. By focusing on the negative, I am more likely to think I can’t do it give up.

Besides, keeping track of all of those little NSVs is a great way to see how far I’ve traveled on this journey. Being at the half-way point, it can seem at times like I will never get there, but when I look at all of the little things I’ve accomplished and all of the ways I have already changed for the better, it doesn’t seem hopeless. When I look back at my books years from now, I want to remember how great it felt to run a 5k for the first time, the first time I tasted a persimmons (mmm, liquid sugar!) or when I put on a shirt this morning that didn’t fit six months ago but fits me now.

By the way, this is also why I started this blog; just another way to keep a record of all that I have done and will do. I’m sure one day, perhaps when I reach my goal weight, I will read this post and remember fondly Mel’s tracker challenge and it got me back to tracking again.

Your Challenge, If You Choose To Accept It

There are seven weeks before Thanksgiving. For many, this is the beginning of the Bermuda Triangle for weight loss: Thanksgiving, Christmas (or Channukah or Kwanzaa) and New Year’s. It’s like everything we’ve learned over the last nine months are forgotten about in a haze of baked goods, candy and roasted meats and fishes (not to mention all of the alcohol). All of the behavior changes we’ve made are thrown out the window for latkes, cookies, and champagne. Then we come back from the food and drink haze on January 2^nd hung over, weighing more that we did on November 20^th and looking to start all over again.

Starting last week, the “Dubs-Dubs” is working into its meetings the tools every member needs to set him or herself up for success during the Bermuda Triangle. This week was all about tracking.

As I mentioned before, this is the one aspect of weight loss that I seem to have the biggest problem sticking with. I guess it’s the weight loss mirror for me and it tells me what I’ve done. When I’ve done something really positive, like run for 45 minutes, I don’t have any problems tracking it. It’s when I haven’t done what I think I should is when I resist tracking the most. It’s as if it didn’t happen if I didn’t track it. Of course this isn’t true. My ass always will track what I’ve done even when I don’t, so who and I trying to hide it from? Me, I guess.

However, once I don’t write one thing down, it just becomes easier to “forget” to track something else. The next thing I know, it’s Tuesday night and I only tracked Wednesday and Thursday (my weigh in day is Wednesday night, so my weight loss week starts on Wednesday).

However, tracking is only bad because I give it that negative value. It is the mirror. It is the truth. It is information. It can tell me if I’ve fulfilled my good health guidelines. It can tell me what kinds of foods I’m eating and when and if they are satisfying my hunger. It can show me how much progress I’m making over time. It can tell me how many inches I’ve lost and how many sizes I’m down. It can even tell me if I’ve achieved my goals for that week. Yes, I can track much more than just food and exercise and I can learn so much about myself, but only if I actually do it.

During the second of two meetings I attend on Wednesday nights, a fellow member mentioned that another leader gave them a tracker challenge, where members had to track all food and activity for 12 weeks and then would get a star when they brought in their trackers each week and it was complete. So, the ever fabulous WW leader Melanie offered us the same challenge for 8 weeks. Of course I signed up for this challenge! This is exactly what I need right now. Is it weird that I am excited to complete this challenge and track everything for the next 56 days? Maybe, but if it works, I don’t care.

During a meeting a few weeks ago, Joey, a fellow member said this about tracking, “Your weight loss is your journey and your tracker is your map.” If I use that map, then I can know where I’ve been and how far I’ve traveled.

What Is A Goal If You Don't Act On It?

Goal-setting is a great way to motivate yourself into action. You see, first you set a goal that is hopefully easily attainable yet just hard enough to make you work a little harder than usual to achieve it. Then you create a plan of action, steps you are to perform to get to that goal. Then you just do it.

Sounds easy, right? Only if you actually do anything beyond setting the goal. I always have goals: get in my good health guidelines each day; stay withing my daily points target; stay within my weekly points allowance; run today; run tomorrow; run an entire 4 miler; etc. I have lots and lots of goals; some are small and will only take moments or hours to do, while others may take years.

It’s good to have goals, but to achieve those goals, you need to actually work at achieving them. I really haven’t been working at anything lately. I don’t quite know why, but I have not been tracking my food even though I know I need to do this. I have not been running, even though I have a race in 4 weeks.

Why? I don’t know exactly, but I know that based on history, I just seem to always get in my own way. Yes, weight loss and being healthy is something that I physically do, and if I took all of the thought out of it, I know I would be extremely successful. No, I would have already achieved my goals. So why do I always seem to get in my own way? Is it because I have been overweight since high school and am afraid of the unknown? Am I afraid I will be a different person and I won’t like that person? I don’t know.

Whatever, the reason, I was not happy the way I was. Sliding back into old behaviors may seem comfortable at first, but it's not. Not when I will no longer beable to fit into my clothes. So I need to stop it now. Moments ago, I looked myself in the bathroom mirror and told myself “Enough! This stops now! You can do better than this! You ARE better than this!”

I AM better than what I have been doing lately, so I am taking the opportunity, with the first day of the new month, to start again. I already tracked what I have and will be eating for the rest of the day. I laid out my running clothes at home for tonight when I get home. (And yes, I plan on running tonight. No, I am GOING to run tonight!) I am setting up a running schedule for the next two months. No more excuses.

No one ever achieved anything by hoping and wishing for it. I can’t just sit on the sidelines and expect results. I need to continue my active role in my own health and well-being. I need to act if I want to achieve my goals. And I need to start now.

Back to Basics

I know I already wrote a post this week, but I really want my blog to be about more than running. I had some pretty incredible breakthroughs the last few weeks with my running, but I have also struggled recently in other aspects in my weight loss journey and wanted to write about those as well.

And, it's my blog, so I will post whenever I want. ;)

***

The last few weeks, I have not been focused. I have been reverting to old habits that will not help me on this weight loss journey. I have been eating more processed food than I have in many months. I have not been following the Good Health Guidelines, which are like a checklist from Weight Watchers to maintain a healthy and balanced way of life. And most importantly, I have not been keeping track of the foods I have been eating or my activity I am performing.

Eliminating the processed foods is something I have the most control of. I currently live alone, so if I simply don’t buy it, it is not in the house. If it is not in the house, then I can’t eat it. They weren’t awful, but they didn’t provide much nutrition wither. Items such as Trader Joe’s fruit bars and Whole Wheat Lavash chips are not terrible, but when you can’t control how much you are eating of them, it might as well be five gallons of ice cream. So, why was I buying these items? I think I wanted to test my control for these foods. I have tested myself and I realize I cannot control myself around these foods. At least for now, they are on the banned from my apartment list.

I usually don’t have problems following the Good Health Guidelines and will stress less over how many points I am consuming in a day and focus more on the GHG’s. The guidelines, which are eating at least five servings of fruits and veggies a day, having two servings of low fat or fat free dairy, a few servings of low fat protein, two servings of healthy oils, doing at least 30 minutes of activity, amongst others, are usually no brainers for me.

So why have I been struggling to fulfill some of these guidelines? I’m pretty certain it started because I wasn’t tracking what I was eating. I have always had a love/hate relationship with the tracker. I don’t enjoy doing it. I know some people who love it and can’t wait to enter each morsel or drink in their mouth in their app on their phone or write it in their journal. I am not one of them. I resisted tracking for years (going all the way back to the last time I was on Weight Watchers, over 15 years ago). I don’t like it, but I know that if I want to be successful, then I must find a way to just do it. At different points during this journey, I have used both paper and electronic trackers. I also have a two fellow WW peeps that we all text message pictures of our food to each other as a way of tracking and keeping accountable.

I haven’t consistently tracked for more than a month and the results on the scale show. When I don’t track, it is like what I am eating doesn’t count. It might not be in a format where I can re-read it, but my body certainly is tracking it. I usually track electronically, but for some reason this is not working for me right now, so I have gone old school. I have pulled out my pad and pen and am carrying this pad around with me. It is a physical reminder of what I need to do and it always there whenever I have revisions or additions.

Why did this click in now after several weeks of just doing “whatever”? Well, I can say it is partly because of the weekly meetings I attend. I have been fortunate to find an AMAZING leader, Melanie, who is part energizer bunny, part cheerleader, and part psychologist. While Melanie is fantastic, the fellow members I see every week are so inspiring and supportive. Some of whom, such as Carin and Tamra, have also become some of my closest friends.

Tamra, myself and Carin. We're the Three WW Musketeers!

The BEST WW Leader EVER Melanie (at least I think so) running Carin and I to the finish line of a 4-mile race in July.

I also need to thank a friend and former colleague of mine who started her own weight loss journey this week (she knows who she is). She simply told me this week that I was her inspiration. I was so taken aback and humbled to read those simple yet powerful words. She took that first (and usually the hardest step) and in return has inspired me to get back to what I know works.  

Another Race in the Record Books

I ran another race this past Saturday. It was a 4-mile race in Central Park. Since last year, I believe I have run about a half dozen four mile races. They are all essentially the same, starting on the east side of the park, turning at 102^nd Street, and then finishing the last half of the race on the west side.

This sounds easy enough, right? But people who are unfamiliar with Central Park have never experienced climbing up Cat Hill within the first mile of the course, which can make even the best and most seasoned runner winded. These same runners may hit a wall when they are confronted with a trio of rolling hills, starting shortly after the second mile marker and continuing for the duration of the course.

It is a tough course and not for someone looking for a nice, easy run. I have never run the entirety of these races, but I know I am making progress. My first 4-miler last year, I barely ran a quarter of the race. The last one before this Saturday, I ran most of the first half until the heat and humidity overcame me and I had to walk the last mile.

However, I have made tremendous progress in the last few weeks regarding my running and I tried to apply what I’ve learned so far to this race. Because I am a slow runner, I am always in the last corral, which is fine with me. However, unlike previous races, I waited until about 2 minutes before the race to get in line so there would be fewer people behind me.

I started the race slower than in past races, hoping to conserve my energy, as I knew the hills that were to come. First came the famous Cat Hill. I took my time getting up the hill. My breathing was labored, but as I was running up that hill, I watched as many people behind me stopped to walk up the hill. I kept going until I reached the top. I felt really good, not just getting up the hill without walking, but that I was now able to run down (my favorite part of getting to the top). Next I saw the 1-mile marker. My time was slower than in past races, but I really didn’t care. I was there to accomplish something no matter the time.

Then came the 2-mile marker. About a half hour after I crossed over the starting line, I was still running. It also helped that I had my new running water bottle with me, so I didn’t need to slow down or walk to get water and was able to have water when I needed it.

Shortly after the 2-mile marker came the first of the three hills on the second leg of the course. I started running up the hill, but I became winded half way up, so I walked the rest to catch my breath. When I reached near the top, I started running again. I began to feel a little pain on the side of my right knee, but I kept going as it usually stops hurting after a few minutes.

I ran up the second hill. It was hard and I was breathing heavy, but I made it up. I started to run up the third hill (past the third-mile marker), but I got a cramp in my side which then moved to my back. These cramps, when I get them, are so painful and literally take my breath away. I had to stop to walk for a few minutes until the pain subsided. I wish I knew why I get them during races, so I can do what I need to prevent them. Anyway, after a few minutes and the pain was gone, I picked up my pace and started running again. I felt good again and fully intended to run to the finish. When a volunteer said, “Quarter mile to go! Almost there!,” I was so excited, I think I started to sprint (at least my version, which still is SLLLOOOWWW).

I was straining to see the finish when I heard my name being yelled from the left side of the course. My Man was there cheering his face off for me. I couldn’t hear much of what he said, but smiled, waved and continued to the finish.

I always get very emotional when I run these races. I always get flashbacks of where I was before I started running. I look back at my very first 5k and how I could only run about 10 minutes of the entire course. Then I see all of these people, strangers, cheering for me. I literally got all choked up and started to cry. Of course I had to stop myself because (1) I can’t run if I can’t breathe, and (2) I don’t want to be splotchy or teary when in my finish line pictures (yes, it does matter). If I get so emotional now after a 4-miler, I can just imagine how I would be after running a marathon, which is my ultimate goal. I’m such a sap.

Anyway, I stopped choking up and focused on the last several feet to the finish line. I finished just shy of an hour. It was not my best time, but I really had a different goal for this race than I had for the others. In past races, I always wanted to PR, but I would always run fast (for me) and then tire out and need to walk. I really do think I am a faster walker than runner. This race, however, I wanted to see HOW MUCH of the race I could run. I ran at least three-quarters of the race, which is definitely more than I’ve run in any race to date.

I know on paper, it doesn’t seem like much, but I accomplished quite a bit in this race: I tackled Cat Hill, I ran more and farther in any race so far, and I still managed to finish in under an hour and a sub 15-minute mile. My next goal is to run the entire 4-miler. This may take a while as I don’t think there are any 4-milers available for a while. But I will just keep training so I can be ready for those hills next time.

One Step Back, One Giant Leap Forward

Sometimes I think you need to take a few steps back so you can take a giant leap forward.

I started running about a year and a half ago. My first race was a 5K in Flushing Meadows Park in Queens. I ran about 10 minutes of the approximately 52 minutes it took me to cross the finish line. I always loved how I felt after running (if you want to call it that. I have been and still am very slow). I love that feeling of completion, not the mention that high you get after some intense exercise. However, I feel as if I am always fighting to just put on my running gear and just go. Even though my goal forever has been to run an entire 5K without stopping to walk, it just wasn’t motivation enough to get out there and just do it.

I took a month off during the summer. Until my last 5K race on August 23^rd, I really hadn’t run or jogged in four weeks. It was a very hot and humid summer in the big apple, and running in those kinds of conditions can make a fit person sick, not to mention someone with approximately 60 pounds left to lose. It really wasn’t fun for me to run this summer, as I my hands would swell and become painful after about 30 minutes running. If I continued, I would soon get a pounding in my head so hard and I would need to stop. Not to mention the severe allergy attacks and the sinus infection that put me on the sidelines and kept me there for the month.

However, I felt a change was coming. I was actually itching to get back out there. Maybe it was that the start of the new school year was right around the corner (not that I am in school or have any children), but I felt like I needed to start fresh in a way. On a whim, I took advantage of my office closing early the Friday of Labor Day weekend and bought a new pair of running shoes. There is nothing that will motivate a woman to do something than if she has new clothes or shoes to do it in.

I had to take the new shoes for a spin. The next morning, I went for a short and easy run/walk, doing no more than 2 miles. I just wanted to get a feel for them and they felt good. However, due to my schedule, I wasn’t able to run again until this past Saturday. It was right before a big storm. It was humid and windy, but I didn’t care. I had to get out there. I WANTED to go out there. I ran for 30 minutes straight without stopping. I had done this before, but not for a long time, so I was thrilled with my run. I wasn’t sore at all the as the day progressed and decided to run again Sunday morning.

I woke up at 6 am that day and started my two hour pre-run preparation (it is complicated and will get into it another time). I was excited to run on Sunday since it was significantly cooler than in the days and weeks before. As I stepped outside, it somehow felt different. Maybe it was the change in the weather or maybe it was just me.

I started with my usual 5-10 minute warm up of walking. As I started off on my run, I started off slow, even slower than usual. I didn’t want to burn out too quickly as I often do. I stayed on even terrain and even down hills for the first several minutes just to get going. It felt so good the have the wind brush against my skin. I ran down one hill so I could run up it after. In the past, I would stop to walk part of the way up the hill. On this particular day, I did not stop once.

Then I found a different hill a few blocks away. I ran down that one just to turn around and run back up. I just kept thinking, “Just get to the top. It’s not that far. You’re almost there.” At one point, I wanted to check to see how long I was running, but that would have meant stopping (I keep my cell phone in a deep pocket in the side of my skirt and I would need to stop running to dig it out), but I kept going.

During that second hill, I thought that if I could run for 45 minutes, I would be thrilled. Knowing my usual pace, 45 minutes would be at least a 5K. So I kept going. I found one more short but steep hill. I was really winded running up that hill and was feeling like I was getting tired. I made it to the top of the hill and, as a reward, ran back down.

Feeling tired, winded and sweaty, I started walking to cook down and allow my legs a few minutes to relax. I reached inside my skirt pocket to get my phone and see how long I ran for and saw that I ran for 50 minutes!! I was thrilled that I met the mid-run goal I set for myself. As I walked home, the realization of what I had accomplished hit me. Here I was walking home and alternating crying and laughing. People must have thought I was crazy but I didn’t care.

I was curious to see how far I did run. I mapped it out, and saw the mileage. 3.7 miles!!! I know people who had run 5Ks in 8 weeks, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, even 4 months. It has taken me over a year to get to this point. It wasn’t an official race. There was no one cheering for me and there was no finish line. I had no bib number. But I did it. I accomplished the one goal that has alluded me for so long.

Looking back now, I don’t think I would have run a 5K without taking the month off from running. It made me miss it. It made me want to do it again. Sometimes we become so concerned with the routine that we forget why we wanted to do it. I was not enjoying running, so I just stopped. It took not doing it to realize that I really did in fact want to run.

And now on to the next goal…

Unplanned Hiatus Over

This past Tuesday was kind of a momentous occasion. Okay, not so momentous, but it was a bit of a breakthrough for me. Tuesday night I ran for the first time in a month.

Why the month off from running? Well, it started about a month ago with a horrible sinus infection. Boohoo? Suck it up and get out there? I challenge anyone to essentially jump up and down outside in the heat with matching humidity while your head feels like it’s stuck in a vice and weighs about 100 pounds. Yeah, it’s neither fun and nor advisable.

The sinus infection was not a picnic in the park, but next came the side effects from the antibiotic, which created digestion and intestinal issues. I won’t go any further, but again try basically shaking yourself up and down when you are already queasy and having cramps. Not advisable.

After about two weeks, I finally was starting to feel better and more like myself. Then came the Olympics. I was more fascinated and glued to the television than ever. I was captivated by athletes that have trained hours each day, sacrificing everything, just for a chance at a medal or the honor of competing at the Olympics.

You would think I would be inspired by these Olympians to get out there and hit the pavement. You would be wrong. Yes, I was inspired, but I became too accustomed to going home at night from a long day and parking myself in front of a “rectangular glowing object” (my WW leader’s Melanie’s words) and stayed there. I would set my alarm for 5 a.m., look outside to the darkness, and reset the alarm for later.

Yes, I was reverting very quickly to old habits and wanted stop the downward slide, but how? It took an annoying and frustrating day to stop that slide. As I was on the express bus heading home from work that night, I was just so frustrated over things out of my control that I needed a way to release it. I didn’t want food to be the answer and made up my mind that I was going to run when I got home.

I got home, changed into my running clothes, headed outside and just started moving. Because I hadn’t run in a while, I didn’t want anything too difficult, so I stuck to a mostly flat route. It was not my best or fastest run. I didn’t even feel particularly good out there and had to stop to walk a few times to relieve cramps in my side.

However, I ran/walked for 30 minutes. And it felt great afterward. It reminded me of why I like to run and continue to sign up for races all of the time.

This was perfect timing too, because I have a 5k race this Saturday. I had not been looking forward to it because I had not run in so long. I was afraid that I would get out there and not be able to run even a mile and would have to walk the rest. I was also disappointed in myself for not running for so long. I forgot that it’s not about how fast or perfect the race is. It’s not about what I did in the past. The whole point is to finish, whether I run the whole thing or just run for a minute. It’s about where I’m at right now and to just get out there and move. I know I can and will finish the race as I have many times before. The point is to just get out there and do it.

And yes, I plan on going for another run tonight.

On That Journey

I have changed a lot from when I started four years ago.



Me and my Dad, 1997 (yes, more than 4 years ago)



Post 4-mile race, July 2012

 

 

 

 

I started with barely being able to walk a mile. Now I can run a mile +. I have run/walked at least a dozen 5ks and 4-mile races in the last 17 months.

I have changed how I eat. I used to eat lots of processed foods. My diet is now plant-based, focusing on whole grains and fruits and vegetables (with a little healthy fat and protein thrown in).

I have lost, as of my weigh-in yesterday, 45.6 pounds.

Yet I have so many goals left to achieve. I have not run an entire 5k without walking. Or a 10k, a half marathon, or a marathon. I have not attained a healthy weight. I do not feel like my outside matches who I am inside. I have not become who I am meant to be and who I am capable of being.

But I will.